Freedom in the Holy Spirit

As a Christian teen, I was zealous for Christ, studied my Bible daily and tried my best to do as much right as I possibly could. Yet I was outspoken, judgmental and pushing my beliefs on others. And on the INSIDE, I struggled with my sexuality. I struggled with anxiety and fear, doubt and unbelief. Did God really love me? Was I really saved? How could I be sure? Was I doing enough? I’m not good enough.

When I moved to Sydney, I left church behind me. Ironically, I was tired of being judged, of not being allowed to serve. All these do’s and don’ts - I couldn’t live up to any of them.

I felt it was too hard to please God, I thought I knew what He had to say about me. Instead, I turned to alcohol and cigarettes, and occasionally drugs. First for some reckless enjoyment, then later out of habit and as a mechanism to cope with the never-ending anxiety, disappointment and depression.

After a few years, I re-joined the church, thanks to the invitation of a friend, our Father is faithful. However, these habits had set up their home by now. Things only got worse when I moved to Hong Kong. The more I tried to stop, the worse things got. I desperately tried to fix myself. The drinking continued daily, so did the smoking. And with it, more anxiety and fears about my health.

In early 2018, I read a devotional from Pastor Joseph Prince which had been forwarded by a Grace Revival Church connect leader. I read about God’s restoration of all things in my life. My self-righteousness, I thought I needed was actually making things worse. I am righteous in Christ alone!

Together as a church we started to receive revelations of the good news. The real Gospel. Then things started to move in my circumstances. I sought help through a christian counsellor, and together with a trusted friend from GRC. I surrendered my drinking addiction to God. With a sober mind and knowing that I was the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21), I started to look at my Saviour differently.

Though I remained sober, my smoking had increased to one pack or more a day. On 25th August, I was reading Pastor Joseph Prince’s devotional “The Spirit’s rest and refreshing”, when the Holy Spirit instructed me to pray in tongues at the onset of every craving for a cigarette. After just five days, the desire to smoke lifted, and I have been without a single cigarette for over a year, effortlessly.

Praise God for His faithfulness. I am so grateful for the revelations of His goodness and everything He continues to do in my life and the life of the church. I’m excited to see what His plans are for me!